So these jolly ass clowns that have traded law degrees in for the keys to a pro hockey league thought that by watering down the game further with overzealous refs and gimmicks like taking the red line out, painting a trapezoid around the goalie and also creating a salary cap, that somehow that would make hockey more interesting and playoff hockey more entertaining.

Bullshit penalties in OT games? The respect and lore of OT is long gone. OT and playoffs used to be sacred. Now, it’s cheapened and rendered worthless by idiotic penalty calls. Hey, who needs OT anyway? No one buys advertising space for OT periods and therefore there are no TV timeouts. So you can only imagine that OT will fade just as this league is fading. Some law jockey in the front office will decide that hey, shoot outs should replace OT periods in playoff games. Bet on it.

By then it won’t matter much as national networks will be broadcasting poker and kite surfing. They could play 5 OTs (and those days of exciting multiple OT games are long gone unless the refs calm down) but what will it matter when you can’t get the game on your tube unless you buy it. Far fetched? Not really. Many NHL teams are already broadcasting PPV games to paying fans during the regular season for $9.99 a game and up. I can see that happening as the NHL continues to lose viewers and network sugar daddies. The league has just about exhausted all worthy network pimps (I’m thinking Extreme Makeover: Hockey Edition). Playoff hockey on PPV via your local cable or sat. provider or streamed on the web in 16:9 letterbox format in a 320X240 media player. You’ll need a magnifying glass, two midgets, a shower curtain, 1 bottle of Wesson oil and a dream to try to make out a game on the web, but cha ching — it’s a valid credit card so who friggin’ cares.

Damn, I can see it now: forget hockey in HD. What about 3D? Live game streams on the web and you get special 3D hockey glasses when you buy a $225 composite stick for your kid, you know the same ones the millionaire players get for free?

Yeah, these glasses will give the puck a glowing orange trailer when it is shot or passed, like a meteor effect. Damn, I forgot that they already tried that glowing puck gimmick on Fox.

Gordie Howe, Bobby Hull, Stan Mikita and all the guys that gave there left nut to play the game must really be proud of the piece of garbage this league has become.

Until last night there was only one game 7 in the entire playoffs this year. Now there will be a just a second game 7 on the east coast to determine who plays for the cup. Parity? Hardly. We’re still waiting for all these “tight” playoff series that the talking heads and NHL predicted.

Cluster fuck seems like a good way to describe the 05/06 NHL season. As fans, we sat a year without any NHL and endured all the finger-pointing and high-school dramatics on the New CBA, and we come back to the game and all we get is a “Thanks You Fans” painted on the ice surface, plus our ticket bills, spineless refs, and games on the Ted Nugent Network (OLN).

When I think of the last four teams standing this season and the prospects of who will play for what promises to be the most forgotten and piss-poor cup finals ever, three things come to mind:

1. Does anyone out there, outside of the represented market, at this point give a shit? (In law school they teach you to never ask a question to a witness if you know the answer will prove damaging to your client… That being said, I doubt anyone in league brass wants to answer this question honestly.)

2. Imagine all the kids on the ponds, the rinks, the drive ways, the parking lots, the basements all dreaming about scoring the game winner in OT in game seven of the Cup finals. That scenario has often proven every hockey player’s fantasy for decades and has been enacted countless times among youth. But now the always-consistent dialogue of the make-believe commentator must be slightly altered to reflect that the winning goal was likely scored on the power play in OT from a puck over the glass penalty. Doesn’t seem to fit, eh?

3. That painted message on the ice surface should really read: “Fuck You Fans”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 30th, 2006 at 10:21 pm and is filed under Bully's Perspective. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.