What Aleksei Kolosov Is Doing Instead of Playing for the Flyers

What Aleksei Kolosov Is Doing Instead of Playing for the Flyers

Since there have been no updates on Aleksei Kolosov’s status with the Philadelphia Flyers, we can only assume he’s been keeping busy in other ways. Here’s a completely made-up list of activities he might be doing instead of tending goal in the NHL:

• Competing in an Underground Borscht-Making Competition

  • Sources say Kolosov has been perfecting his grandmother’s secret recipe in a high-stakes, invite-only Eastern European cooking showdown.

• Moonlighting as a Crime-Fighting Vigilante

  • Under the alias “The Minsk Mask,” Kolosov patrols the streets, using his lightning-fast glove hand to catch pickpockets and his butterfly technique to block narrow alley escapes.

• Training for the Belarusian Curling Team

  • Having mastered stopping pucks, Kolosov now seeks to master sliding heavy stones down sheets of ice with pinpoint precision.

• Auditioning for a Role in a Russian Spy Thriller

  • Rumors suggest he's been cast as “The Silent Wall,” an impenetrable force who single-handedly defends the motherland against rogue agents.

• Becoming a Professional Chess Hustler

  • Kolosov has been seen challenging unsuspecting opponents in public parks, checkmating them in five moves and walking away with their lunch money.

• Working as an Escape Artist

  • When asked about his contract situation, Flyers GM Danny Brière muttered, “We thought we had him locked down, but somehow, he just vanished.”

• Launching His Own Luxury Vodka Brand

  • Flyers fans may not get to see him on the ice, but they might soon be sipping on "Kolosov's Clean Sheet" – a vodka so smooth, even Gritty approves.

• Teaching a Masterclass on “How to be Elusive”

  • Enrollment is limited to athletes, magicians, and people who owe their friends money.

Until the Flyers provide an update, all we can do is speculate. Stay tuned for actual hockey news—if and when it ever arrives.